In the past, I used to find myself caught up in arguments. I never gave it a second thought.  I thought “everyone” argued from time to time and that this was normal. Since that time, this is what I have learned, it takes the participation of 2 people to argue. While that may seem obvious to you, it took me decades before this lightbulb went on in my brain. After I was lucky enough to realize that, I knew I could choose whether I was going to be one of the participants, or not. To my knowledge, one cannot argue by themselves. 

I decided it would be empowering, and a loving act toward myself, to withdraw my participation in arguments. That new choice felt great! If I was aware that an argument was starting I would say something like this; “I would be happy to discuss this with you at a later time when I am more calm“, “ Raising my voice doesn’t feel good, and for me, I don’t think it accomplishes anything”, “This is important to talk about, but now is not a good time for me, how about later or tomorrow?”

Wow! That turned out to be liberating! I felt free from one more negative pattern I had  repeatedly chosen in my life. It was one more way that I found to take good care of myself.

So…, what about you? Are there any negative situations you repeatedly find yourself in that you would love to be done with? Why not take a look at your own contribution to that situation and make a new choice? Why look at your contribution and not “theirs”? Because your choices are the only ones you have control over. Once we really get that, we begin to take full responsibility for our own choices and we can let go of the need to try and control the choices of others. We never can anyway, but we sure spend a lot of time and energy trying, don’t we?

With love, Jackie

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