“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Do you have five minutes? Whenever I’m avoiding something or don’t want to do something I say to myself “Everyone has 5 minutes. Set the timer and just do it for 5 minutes.” It’s not a matter of can I do it, but will I.

Many years ago when I wanted to figure out a way to lose weight permanently, I hated exercising. I’d made many previous attempts at exercising to lose weight and I was underwhelmed with my results. What I heard the experts saying about weight loss and exercise never panned out for me. I believed there was some connection between the two but I wasn’t sure what it was. I did however know that exercise was beneficial in other ways for my mind and body.

As I now wanted the best for myself, I decided to begin exercising in a way that was more comfortable for me. I didn’t listen to the general advice about how to exercise that I’d heard for so long and tried many times before. I started with 5 minutes one day a week. 5 minutes one day a week, I could do that. I wouldn’t hate it and it wouldn’t send me running the other way or avoiding it. In my own time what I found was, since I felt better doing 5 minutes one day a week I increased it to two days, then three and so on. After I increased the number of days, to a point that I actually liked, that felt right for me, I began to gradually increase the amount of time.

Don’t feel you have to listen to the generally accepted recommendations on exercise, or anything else for that matter, if it doesn’t fit for you. Figure out for yourself what’s the tiniest step you could take that doesn’t bring up a negative reaction inside of you and start there. You could start with something as simple as dancing to your favorite song, doing a few repetitions of any exercises you like while you’re watching TV, or substituting yardwork for exercise. Experiment and find what works for you. What makes it possible for you to enjoy exercise? This is a key point because if you enjoy it you’ll want to do it again.  Keep making the choices smaller and smaller until your mind and body say, “OK, I can do that”, or “yes, I’d like to try that.”

This is what I learned. Exercise isn’t just about being fit, healthy or looking better. It’s about caring enough about yourself to take care of YOU. So, I have a question for you. Do you matter, not to the other people in your life, but to you? Are you worth caring about? You may not know it or feel it now, but in the giant scheme of things you matter more than words can say.

With love, Jackie

Many times I’m asked what I do about meals that are usually accompanied by carbohydrates like potatoes, pasta or rice. If I’m eating this meal at lunch, and the type of rice, pasta or potatoes offered are prepared in a healthy way and contain fiber, I will choose the carbohydrate. But for a late afternoon or evening meal cauliflower is my go to food when one of these carbs is standard.

When I started to think about losing weight and maintaining a healthy body permanently, I knew I would need to make peace with vegetables, ugh 😖, my least favorite food. Here’s what I didn’t realize, it wasn’t the vegetables I didn’t like, it was the way I prepared them. (How was that possible?)

Cauliflower was one of them. Steamed cauliflower just didn’t do it for me. I stumbled across the recipe below, which I’ve been using for years. Because I’m not a fan of spending time in the kitchen, this one is quick and easy for me. Though tasty, the taste is also neutral enough so that it goes well under stroganoff, spaghetti, Chinese food or as a substitute for the “mac” in macaroni and cheese. For mac and cheese I add ground turkey to the cheese sauce. You could certainly also use vegetarian crumbles or ground beef.

As I was shopping in the produce aisle the other day I noticed a bag of “chipped cauliflower”. It looked like the pieces of cauliflower were a little bigger than a grain of rice. It said that you could use it, if prepared according to package directions, for a pizza crust! That’s an experiment I’d like to try, how about you?

With love, Jackie

Roasted Cauliflower Recipe 🍲

Ingredients

6 cups fresh cauliflower (about one medium head), cut into small bite-size florets
1/4 to 1/3 cup olive oil depending on the size of the head
1-2 teaspoons kosher or sea salt (use any type salt you like, or if you prefer, leave it out)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes*
Approximately 1/2 cup of vegetable or chicken broth
Directions
In a large bowl, combine cauliflower florets, olive oil, kosher or sea salt and crushed red pepper flakes, and toss. Add broth to bottom of 13×9 roasting pan. Cover roasting pan with tin foil, poke about 4 to 6 holes in tin foil cover and roast in oven at 400° for 20 to 40 minutes or more depending on how crunchy or soft you like it. Stir and check texture after 20 minutes. Continue roasting until you like the texture. (me this is about 30 minutes.)

* If you don’t like spicy food I would use less or leave the red pepper flakes out. You can also substitute any herb or spice you prefer such as garlic, curry, black pepper etc.

In dealing with any difficult situation, large or small, I’ve found we essentially have three choices. No matter which one we choose, what if we didn’t do what we usually do, label or judge it as right or wrong, better or worse? What if instead, we chose to evaluate our decision based on how we think we might feel after choosing it? It’s basically the idea of taking a moment to check in with ourself before we choose. For example, we might ask ourselves “Is it getting me closer to what I want? Am I willing to be responsible for the outcome of this choice? Is this the most positive choice I could make regarding this situation?” In my opinion, the most important question is “will it leave me feeling a little better than I was feeling before?”

Not always, but many times we can choose to take a moment, an hour, or a day to mentally “try on” each choice. If you wanted to try this, you could ask yourself each question, as you do “listen” to your feelings to evaluate the possible outcomes. If the answers feel like a “no”, you may want to reconsider that choice before you make it. If the answers feel like a “yes”, you might go ahead and give that choice a try. If it doesn’t turn out as you thought, by not judging or criticizing yourself, it will be easier to choose differently next time. The question is ” are you feeling better as a result of the choices you just made?”

Here are the three choices:

1. Do nothing – not always but many times when we choose to avoid dealing with a stressful situation we are usually guaranteeing it’s return in some form. Remember in grade school when you got a math problem wrong on a test? When you got your test back you were asked to rework the problems you got wrong until you got them right.  Life is like that. If we do nothing, we will repeatedly end up dealing with the same problems for example, we keep losing and regaining weight or we keep arguing about the same things in a relationship. Things will usually continue this way until we make a different choice.

2. Do something – we can choose to take action. This can be one small step in any direction. It doesn’t need to be scary or huge. Taking any action is usually better than taking no action even if it doesn’t immediately solve the problem. Taking any action can help us figure out our next step, either keep going or change directions. The “best” action to take is one with a positive intention behind it. That means we’re choosing it because something about it appeals to us in a good way or creates pleasant feelings for us.

Here’s an example of what I mean. You’ve just been to the doctor. They tell you they want to follow up on one of your blood tests which will require repeat testing.  It’s time for you to make a choice on how you would like to respond to this information. Using choice number one, you can do nothing. You can choose not to go back or not to follow up with their advice.  Using choice number two you can choose to take action by either going in for further testing as they recommend, checking things out on the Internet, going somewhere else and getting a second opinion, etc.

3. Change the way we think about it – Let’s say you’re not satisfied with your current job or living situation. You’re thinking about moving or changing jobs but at this moment, you’re not ready to make a change. In order to feel peaceful about this situation and be kind to yourself, you can choose to think about your current situation in a way that’s helpful, supportive and makes you feel better. We don’t want to lie to ourselves here, we just want to tell ourselves any positive truth about the situation. What I mean is, though it may be true that you don’t like your boss, your workload or the brand of coffee that’s available in the break room, there are things you do like, your coworkers, a consistent income, or your office is within walking or biking distance of your home. All of those things may be true at the same time. Which thought has the potential to leave you feeling better NOW? If you’re not ready to make the move, why focus on things that don’t make you feel good, the things you don’t like, when the things you like also exist and are true. What we focus on in any situation is our choice. Yes, it’s true the negative things will pop into our head, but that doesn’t mean we invite them to take up residence there. We can say “hello and goodbye” to them as we gently escort them out and replace them with a thought that leaves us feeling better.

Which one of these choices leaves you feeling better? That will be the right choice for you.

Being able to look back at the feeling your choice has created for you, and being willing to change your choice if it didn’t leave you with a better feeling, is one of the most powerful tools I’ve learned in helping myself to feel better now. The biggest benefit from doing this is that you don’t have to  continue experiencing the same things that cause you pain. What could be better?

With love, Jackie

What if we were given a computer when we were kids, fully loaded with the current software at that time. As we grew we’d become used to using it. What if we never asked the question “is this software getting me what I want or is there something better now?” If we never ask, the old programs keep comfortably running. Why would anyone want to keep outdated software when there may be something better that would give us more of what we want? You might think it’s laughable, absurd, behind the times, maybe even shocking for someone not to have upgraded their computer? Guess what? That’s exactly what we do with our old thoughts and beliefs. They were downloaded into us when we were young and overtime we got used to them. They became comfortable, and they’re still running, unexamined, in the background of our mind!! Not only are they still running, but they are controlling our current day choices too.

Our current choices are based on our past experience. Since the messages we received in our past are running the show, wouldn’t it be helpful to know what those messages are? Then we could choose to keep those that are helpful and get rid of the ones that don’t feel good. We could feel better today.

Are you thinking that it’s probably easier to do a software upgrade on our computer rather than on ourselves? You maybe right, since removing software from the computer is generally not an emotional experience. Think about how good it would feel good to have all that old, useless software off of our computer. Now think about yourself. How good might it feel to have old, negative, painful thoughts and beliefs out of you, possibly wonderful? Be careful here as you might feel lighter, brighter with a dash of joy.

So, how would we go about taking a look at what old, obsolete software is still running inside of us? Here are a couple of suggestions.

1. When you’re talking with someone, listen to the words you’re using and notice the thoughts that are producing those words. Generally our old beliefs, positive and negative, will surface here, for example, ” I don’t trust myself, the people at work don’t know what they’re doing, I’m really good at ping pong, something can always go wrong, I’m not very good with money, relationships are hard work” etc. Try and catch them. Examine them to see if you still want to keep them. If you don’t, let them go and replace them with something you’d rather believe or think, something that makes you feel better. Every time the old thought surfaces, kick it out and replace it with the new one.

2. On a piece of paper write down all the different areas of your life, for example, relationships, leisure time, finances, work, health etc. What is the current state of each of these categories in your life? That will show you what you currently believe about it. Under each one, write down what belief seems to be governing this area based on the results you are currently observing. Then ask yourself, “Do I like this?, Does it make me feel good?, Does having this belief produce the results I want in this area?” If it doesn’t, toss it out and replace it with something that makes you feel better, and just as I mentioned above, every time the old thought surfaces, replace it with the new one.

We can choose our thoughts….. AND our lives are created from those thoughts. Why continue to live with something that doesn’t produce the life you desire when something better is just a thought away?
With love, Jackie