In the past I would get up in the morning, and like a horse race when the gun goes off, I would begin my daily to do list. The goal was to get as many things done as possible and deal with everything else that came my way successfully. What I realized was, as quickly as things were checked off, more things were added. The to do list was never ending.

I can’t honestly say I don’t have a “to do” list anymore. I am quite the list maker. However, I have incorporated some new choices into my morning and evening routine. I now check in with myself regarding my choices and what those choices are creating in my life.

I begin each day asking myself how I feel. If I feel good or peaceful, I take a moment to appreciate that. If something is bothering me, I take the time to write it out, to clarify what I’m feeling. Then I ask myself two questions;

1. How would I prefer to feel and what is the smallest thing I could do to start moving in that direction today?
2. What do I intend for my day? This isn’t really so much about what I’m going to do. It’s about HOW I’m going to do it. What attitude do I consciously choose to bring to my day? Some days I might want to move through my day in kindness or pay special attention to being patient. Perhaps on a day off I might want to bring a more relaxed or playful attitude. My thought is to take a moment to reflect on what I might create throughout my day with my attitude. Without taking the time to figure out what I’m intending, it’s easier for me to unconsciously slip into worry, judgment, impatience or anger.

At the end of my day I take a moment to see if my day was reflective of my intention. If not, without judgment of myself or anyone else, why not, what happened? What might I do differently next time? I think about what I gave to others and what I received. Kind or unkind on this day, I bless everyone involved and myself.

This practice of checking in with myself evolved overtime, starting with 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in the evening. Overtime, this brought more peace to my life so I decided to allow more time. There is now a richness to my days that I didn’t have before. I find myself increasingly aware of my thoughts, words, feelings and actions. It feels like I’m watching myself as I’m speaking to someone else. I find myself observing, am I being kind regardless of the other person’s choice? Are my thoughts without judgement? Am I stating clearly and in the best way possible what I mean to say?

If the idea of checking in with yourself sounds appealing, why not start experimenting with something that feels good to you? If you’d like, you can start with my process or better yet, choose something that feels more like you. Consider allowing yourself to be flexible as you mold it into something just right for you. On a more practical level, as one of my clients mentioned, we can just ask ourselves what’s working, or feeling good, and what’s not?

“Don’t become too preoccupied with what is happening around you. Pay more attention to what is going on within you.” – Mary Francis Winters

With love, Jackie

Recently a vibrant, healthy person I knew, who was fully engaged in life, was diagnosed with cancer and gone within a couple of months. This caused me to reflect on my own life and what reaction I might have if I had received the same news. Though it’s true we can never really predict our reaction until we are in that situation, I thought I would “take a crack” at thinking about it.

I know death is a part of life and that we don’t get one without the other. During my earlier time as a hospital nurse, I came to see death as an experience we will all have. Just the same, I thought I’d share with you some of the soul-searching questions I’ve been asking myself lately.

Am I ready? Am I ready if it’s my time and what exactly does that mean? What would I need to do, think or say to be ready? What would I be sad about or regret, wish I had done more or less of, if I knew my time here was over?

What if anything, do I need to let go of? Am I holding on to anger or resentment from the past or fears about the future? What could I let go of to improve the quality of my life or relationships now? Are there people or events that I am not accepting as they are?

Am I living the life I want NOW? Am I waiting for some time in the future before I give myself permission to do or not do what makes me happy? If so why, and is there some small step I could take now to move me closer to what I want? Do I have anything left unsaid? Is there any kindness I can offer now?
Is there anything, I can do to help prepare my loved ones?

Though there are many more adventures I would like to take, I’ve chosen to feel at peace with the idea of dying. It is death that gives meaning to our lives. If we knew life would go on forever it would not be valuable. No one is promised tomorrow or a long, happy life into their 80s or 90s. Just because this has been true for many more people now than it was in the past, it doesn’t mean it will be true for us.

The point of this for me, is to reflect on how I can improve the quality of my life NOW, because I don’t know when my time is coming.

My wish for you and me is that we find a way to reframe our relationship with death in a way that brings us one step closer to feeling more comfort and ease inside of ourselves. We can choose the traditional view that generally sees death as a tragedy, or we can choose to think differently about it. We can choose to think about it in a way that makes us feel more peaceful and perhaps allow it to motivate us to live the life we want now. Isn’t it time? When would be a better time? Remember, we get to decide what life we live… and when we live it.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A person who lives their life fully is prepared to die at any time.”
– Mark Twain

With love, Jackie

Are you familiar with “Choose your own adventure” books? As you are reading the story, you come to a point where you have a choice as to how the story continues. Well, life is like that.

The way this plays out in real life, is that we get to decide what type of reaction we are going to have to a certain situation, thus “choosing our own adventure.” Generally, the two choices are either a reaction from some type of negativity, like fear or anger, or a positive response from kindness or understanding. It may not feel like it, but we get to decide how we respond to a situation. Here is an example of what I mean from something I encountered.

Unfair or Advantageous?

I was recently involved in a situation where I must confess, my first reaction was to consider it unfair for me. This was a negative reaction on my part, common or understandable maybe, but fearful. I was aware I was in a negative place and it was causing me distress (as negativity always does). I wanted to change this and feel better.

I had two choices. They both started with accepting the situation exactly as it was instead of spending time and energy wishing it was different. I could either disconnect myself from the situation and people involved or I could choose to participate and look at what positive aspects the situation offered me. Considering the entire situation, the kindest thing to do for myself was to go with the second choice. I chose the second one because it felt better and I thought it was more advantageous for me than disconnecting. Choosing to look at it from a positive perspective left me feeling better.

Either choice would have been ok, though they would have led to different outcomes. I do understand that sometimes when it comes to making a choice, it is not a choice of which would feel better but rather, which feels “less bad.”

Whichever choice you make, realize that you cannot make a mistake. Either your choice will result in an outcome that you will like or you will not. That is always valuable feedback, useful for the next time this, or a similar situation presents itself. Make it a practice to acknowledge and use this feedback and it can change your life!

With love, Jackie