There are many people in my son’s life and mine, who are especially kind to us. People who go out of their way because of his special needs. I’ve asked them in the past “why”, and this has been their response; “there by the grace of God go I”.

Their comment surprised me but I think I get it. They were saying they’re grateful they didn’t have a disabled child and perhaps because of that, they’re now choosing to make life a little easier for us. It’s true that I’ve found life difficult at times because of my son’s autism. However, repeatedly confronting the challenges it has brought, has led me to a sense of peacefulness no matter what comes. It made me wonder how someone finds contentment when facing life’s biggest challenges.

What journey did I take from the time he was first diagnosed and I felt “shock and awe”, (it felt “otherworldly”) to my current state of contentment? “Abandoning ship” was not an option because I had a precious little boy who needed his mom. That left me only one other choice. Change the way I thought about the situation. I must be honest and tell you it was “messy”. It happened gradually over many years and required me to change in numerous ways.  With great reluctance, I eventually let go of the way I thought things were “supposed” to be and tried on some new ideas. The part that really amazes me to this day is that it ever happened at all!

What about you? Are there things in your life, current, past or future, that you feel there’s no hope of changing? I’m here to tell you, that’s never true! Though like me, you may need to be patient with yourself and utilize the help of other resources, you always have the power to make a choice that leaves you feeling a little better. But making that choice is up to you. You can’t change the past but you can change how you think about it so that you feel a little better instead of how you usually feel. If you’re wondering how to do this, here’s my suggestion. Experiment with new thoughts (that you actually believe) until you find one that makes you feel better. You will FEEL it when you find it. And when your old thought comes up again, and it will, replace it with the one that feels better.

With love, Jackie

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“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

– Pablo Picasso

Most of us have heard the idea that no two snowflakes are alike. Perhaps like me, you think this is an amazing expression of nature at work. But guess what? The same applies to all of us! No two people are exactly alike! Not only our DNA, but our life experiences and how we interpret them make us unique.

I’d like to use the example of a jigsaw puzzle to illustrate my point. In a jigsaw puzzle there’s no one piece that matters more than any other regardless of its shape, size or place in the puzzle. It takes every piece to complete the puzzle. Though each piece plays a different role and has different characteristics, no one piece is more important than another. Diversity reigns when it comes to jigsaw puzzles.

Just as the fun of jigsaw puzzles and the beauty of nature are related to their diversity and contrast, so is our life. The purpose of our lives can be found in expressing what is unique or different in each of us. As we express our uniqueness, “we get happy”! The very characteristics about ourselves, that perhaps when we were younger, made us feel “different” or bad about ourselves, are our special gifts, our interests or abilities.

How do we figure out what is unique about ourselves? Here’s a suggestion. Take a private moment and recall the times in your life when you’ve been most happy and ask yourself; “What was I doing? When have I been so involved in something that I’ve happily lost track of time? When have I felt my absolute best?” If you can’t recall any of these times, construct an imaginary day of your dreams and look at it’s elements and qualities.

This is what I believe. Everyone has a gift to give. The special contribution only we can make is already inside of us waiting to be expressed. Whatever your gift is it will be beneficial to people or your life in some way. Even if your gift may not seem unique, I’m an idea person but many people have good ideas, it is the way in which you give your gift that makes it like no other.

Giving our gift has a positive rippling effect in our world we can’t always see. When we’re giving our gift, we feel better (ok, maybe even fabulous). When we feel better, our experience of life is better and everything and everyone our life touches benefits. How good would it feel when we near the end of our lives to know that we’ve found and been able to give that which only we could give? And, because we did, we leave this world a little better off!

With love, Jackie

I can’t remember when I first heard this quote or who said it, but it surprised me. My first thought was “Why wouldn’t I care about what other people think of me?” After reflecting on it for a while I understood. When we think enough of ourselves, and approve of ourselves and we like ourselves, it doesn’t really matter what other people think of us, we’re good! The opposite is also true. As long as were looking for outside approval, we’ll never be “good enough” because we can’t please everyone or control what they think. Wouldn’t it feel better to be self-approved?

When we’re “self-approved” we no longer need to do things that would make other people happy at our expense to gain their approval. We also stop telling ourselves “we should” do certain things that we really don’t want to do just so that others will be pleased with our behavior and approve of us. Instead, making choices that leave us feeling good becomes more important because our own happiness matters. We have become a priority to ourselves!

Here’s something I learned. Whenever we wonder what someone thinks about something we’ve said or done, it’s really our own self that questions it! It’s not about what another person thinks. It’s a reflection of our own doubt or judgment. Think about it for a minute. When we feel good or confident about something we’ve done, we’re not usually wondering what someone else thinks. When we’re unsure about something we’ve said or done, we tend to wonder what other people think (of us).

The truth is we’re always doing the best we can in every moment. What we said or did may not have turned out exactly the way we wanted, but instead of seeking approval from others, what about checking in with yourself? How did it leave you feeling? If it didn’t feel good to you, you can change your choice next time. Because guess what, “next time” is coming soon. Each time I make a choice that leaves me feeling a little uneasy, I find it helpful to ask myself, “(next time) what can I do differently so that when this is over, I feel good about how I handled it?” It’s one small step that can leave you feeling better NOW.

With love, Jackie

I recently took a trip back home to Wisconsin to visit my family. Our tribe is composed of people who are politically right, left and center. We have those who have practiced conservative religion for a lifetime and those with no religion. We have vegans and meat eaters, those who hunt and fish and those who wouldn’t harm a bug.

The time we spent together daily was meaningful, playful and full of love. I couldn’t help but reflect on how rich the experience was because of all this diversity. I also wondered how we all flowed together so easily when such differences have a tendency to separate people instead of bringing them together. This is what I came up with. Love, in the form of acceptance can transcend any differences. We all seemed to accept each other as we were. No one was trying to make their point or influence someone else’s point of view. We enjoyed what was “original” about each other, we had fun, and we focused on what we had in common.

Acceptance is the opposite of judgement. It allows love to flow not only to others but to us. Why? Because when we aren’t spending time forming judgements of others, love can enter. Believe it or not, being loving (kind, accepting, respectful, etc.) is our default mode when our negative thoughts or feelings move out of the way.

So…….. is there anyone or any situation in your life that could benefit from your acceptance? In the privacy of your own mind, why not try it on in some small way. Experiment with a new thought and see how it might feel to let go of any criticism you may currently hold about someone or something. You can keep the criticism if you choose or…… you can choose to open your heart, focus on what is good and let love in.

With love, Jackie

I’m frequently surprised that although there’s so much information readily available in newspapers, magazines, books, on TV, radio and on the Internet, that there are some things that can be really helpful that we either don’t hear about or we hear very little about them. Biotin is one of those things. If your nails aren’t as healthy as you’d like them to be, you might want to give this a try.

Biotin, also known as vitamin B7 or vitamin H, is said to contribute toward healthy hair, skin, and nails. I came upon this accidentally when I went to see the dermatologist. I happened to mention my nails were more brittle, had ridges and split more easily than when I was younger. He suggested I try 3mg of Biotin daily and told me that it would take a couple of months to see the results, so I did. Within the month I could tell there was some improvement.

Attempting to find the best price on Biotin, I checked Costco. I noticed they only carried the 5mg dosage. I decided to stick with 3mg as that was what the doctor suggested and why take more if I didn’t need it. After about six months my nails were better, but I still had some concerns. I decided to try the 5mg dosage for a few months to see if there would be any difference between 3 and 5mg. The end result was, with 5mg of Biotin my nails continued to improve. The splitting, cracking and brittleness was gone however some ridges remain. Are my nails perfect now? No, but there has been a big improvement and they’re calling attention to themselves a lot less often.

When I checked on the side effects Biotin might have, I didn’t find any. As with anything though, if you are pregnant, nursing, or have an underlying medical condition please check with your doctor before trying any over-the-counter supplement or medication. Why? Because everyone responds to things differently and we want to take great care of ourselves. We don’t always know how something that appears harmless might affect our current state of health or interact with drugs or supplements we’re already taking. Being on the safe side and checking with your doctor first can be as simple as a phone call.

With love, Jackie