From an evolutionary point of view, we are born into this world vulnerable and completely dependent upon others to keep us safe and to provide for all of our survival needs. As we grow up, we begin to learn how to do these things for ourselves. And as adults, we may or may not have acquired the tools we need to keep ourselves feeling safe and to care for ourselves.

Most of us have not been given all the tools we need or the right tools for us. This is not because anyone withheld these tools from us. It is because they did not have them to give. Whatever the situation we find ourselves in, if we are experiencing anxiety, it is a “red flag” showing us that we do not have the tools in this area to create our own feeling of emotional safety. Anxiety is a normal human emotion to be accepted without judgment or criticism, like all emotions.

If we would like to be able to create our own feeling of emotional safety inside of ourselves, we need to acquire new tools. That is because whatever we are doing now is not bringing us the feeling we desire, which is usually something like calmness or peace of mind.

So, how might we acquire these new tools if we want them? There are many wonderful books written (or audiobook versions) regarding personal development, there are podcasts, YouTube videos, and there are people like me who teach them and more…

There is also a private and personal way for you to begin to do this on your own. That of course would entail something I talk about in almost every blog I write, making a new choice. The idea is to experiment with making a new choice in an area of your life that is causing you anxiety and see how you feel about the outcome of that new choice. If you like the new outcome resulting from your new choice, you may want to repeat it. If you don’t like the outcome, because it increases or doesn’t help with the anxiety you are experiencing, it is not the right choice for you. This moment may be looked at as your opportunity to rehearse in your mind what new choice you might want to make before the situation presents itself again. I can guarantee your “next time” is coming in some way.

This “trial and error” method will spark your personal development and get you moving in your own “best” direction. Once you set an intention to learn YOUR healthiest way to deal with any anxiety that comes your way, (and as you continue to take steps toward changing it) life will support you in new and unexpected ways.

In the meantime, just being aware of and changing your choice when you are feeling anxious will give you information that will help you make your next decision. It can be a new choice in how you perceive the situation or the things you tell yourself once the situation has presented itself. With your underlying intention to do something different this time, you take your first tiny step into a new, more loving place for your mind and soul to rest. Don’t we all deserve that?
I know we do.

With love, Jackie

If there is an area of your life where you are not feeling comfortable or that is not going well, here are just a few questions for your own gentle consideration.

What do I want? (My friend Lynne’s powerful question)
Am I willing to see this differently?
Am I willing to consider the possibility that there could be another possibility, even if I don’t know what it is right now?
What is the smallest, kindest thing I can do to take loving care of myself right now?

“Until we make a choice to do “it” differently, we will continue to go around in circles.”
-Marianne Williamson

My translation of the above quote is: Unless and until we make a new choice, in an area of our lives that is causing us pain or discomfort, we will continue to create the same outcome, an outcome we don’t want.

I did this. For decades I created the same painful outcomes I didn’t like in many areas of my life. Why did I do this? It happened because I didn’t make the connection between my choices and their results or consequences. At the time, I didn’t have the awareness or tools to do it differently. I do now and instead of my choices causing me more emotional pain, they now bring me more peace. This doesn’t mean I don’t experience emotional pain in my life, I do. The difference is I have learned how to recognize and respond to the pain so that I can get back to feeling peaceful. You can too if you want to. Begin to look at the things that are causing you pain or discomfort and make a new choice (preferably chosen in kindness toward yourself). It doesn’t need to be the “right” choice, or the “perfect” choice, any new choice will do.

With love, Jackie