Good morning everyone. Because of Thanksgiving, a day we gather with family and friends, I’m writing today instead of Saturday to offer a new “pre Thanksgiving day warm-up”.

Instead of the main focus being on guests, food and preparation, what about taking a moment to shift the focus to our own well-being? Your response may be “who has time for that?” To which I would say ” Are you worth taking one, ok, maybe two minutes to ask yourself two questions;
-How would you like to feel at the end of Thanksgiving day or your Thanksgiving vacation?
-What’s the smallest thing you can do to begin to create this feeling?

For an example I’ll share some of my answers with you.
My answer to question #1;
I’d like to feel content as opposed to overwhelmed, blessed instead of burdened, comfortably full or satisfied instead of stuffed and uncomfortable. I’d like to feel happy with my choices of words, thoughts, food and beverages and feel like I would choose the same way again.

My answer to question#2;
Focus on how I was doing things instead of what I was doing. This includes kindly asking for help, and deciding ahead of time what I’d like to eat and drink to create a feeling of satisfaction, and avoid feeling overfull. I also want to let go of a preconceived idea of how Thanksgiving “should” be and respond to whatever unfolds as gracefully as I can

The truth is, if you’re having a wonderful Thanksgiving day (that supports your sense of well-being) it will enrich the lives of all of those around you.

May your blessings be too numerous to count.🙏🏻

With love, Jackie

One of the things I do in my work is talk with people who have tried just about every approach out there and still struggle with their weight.

In my experience I have come to know that one of the things excess weight represents is some form of protection. Protecting ourselves by carrying excess weight isn’t a conscious thought or choice on our part. It’s an unconscious way of NOT dealing with issues that may surface when we’re at a healthier weight. We’re indirectly making ourselves feel safe in a way we currently aren’t able to. Here’s a quote that represents this idea, “The body says what words cannot.”

If you’re wondering what we could be protecting ourselves from in this way, here are just some things excess weight can protect us from;

-getting into or out of relationships
-intimacy, perhaps related to our sense of sexual attractiveness
-expectations of ourselves or the expectations of others
– taking 100% responsibility for our choices
-being more active
-being noticed… In the past that may have brought us unwanted or negative attention.
-feeling good about ourselves…I know it may sound crazy, but if we grew up feeling bad or uncomfortable about ourselves or our body, the thought of having a healthy body or feeling good about ourselves can be uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar.
-someone else’s or our own approval
-being attractive
–change of any kind, relationships (friends, family members, spouse or life partner), jobs, what we do with our time, social commitments etc.
-dealing with an addiction…Yes, when we aren’t in control our food or beverage intake, we have an addiction.
-losing our identity or our way of life as an overweight person… The life we live when we’re overweight is not the same life as when we’re at our desired weight
-dealing with our uncomfortable emotions…for example, eating when we feel stressed or bored, or eating when we’re not hungry
-letting go of the past… Many people have suffered some type of abuse or trauma in the past and have never been shown how to deal with the emotions surrounding it so they can heal and go on to enjoy their lives…..More about this in future blogs. (If you need more information about this now, you’re welcome to contact me.)

Carrying excess weight will do for us what we unconsciously feel we cannot do for ourselves. Unbeknownst to us, it’s our way of getting our needs met without having to take action. Most commonly, we’re afraid to take action because it represents a change we don’t feel ready to make.

It’s also true that consciously you may very much want to lose weight (I sure did). But we won’t be successful at losing or maintaining our desired weight permanently until we no longer need the “shield” of excess weight to keep us “safe”. This is where the concept of self-sabotage comes in.
We live to what we unconsciously believe about ourselves.
Self-sabotage happens when in someway, we’re indirectly or unknowingly working against ourselves.

Is there a way to know what our excess weight is protecting us from? If you’d like to figure that out, the following questions may provide some clues;
-If I lost this weight, what would happen that’s not happening now? How would my life change?
-How would I really feel inside if I was my desired weight?
-What would I have to deal with if I was my desired weight that I don’t need to deal with now?
-Who would I be without this excess weight?
– Would I still be in the same relationships, job or social circle if I was my desired weight?

“Protecting” ourselves in this way is understandable if we’re not ready to deal with the emotions and “things” that may come from being at our desired weight. What is also true though is that excess weight is actually imprisoning us. In many ways it harms our body, mind and most importantly, our precious spirit.

When we decide that we deserve or want a happy, healthy life, we will choose to look at the issues we’re protecting ourselves from with our weight. When that time comes, we may need or want help to do this. That’s taking good care of ourselves. Most importantly, when we begin looking at these issues, we begin opening to learning new ways to treat ourselves with kindness and to feel safe without needing excess weight to do it for us.

BTW, the above story of “protection from” could have been written about any addiction, or detrimental or destructive behavior. We humans don’t do things without a reason consciously or unconsciously. Which way would you prefer to choose?😉

With love, Jackie

I had an exciting personal revelation the other day I wanted to share with you. I realized life is not about what many of us think it is. From our perspective perhaps life encompasses being born, dying, and doing some things in between like growing up, creating relationships, having kids, finding fulfilling work, etc. All of these things are part of our journey, but they are not what the essence of life is about. They are the things and events of our lives.

Life, in my opinion, is actually about turning our problems or challenges into something precious, something wonderful. I thought to myself, how can this be, how can life be so paradoxical? Happiness is the result of standing up to the scariest of our fears and finding we no longer need to be afraid, we are free. Does this not seem like a well hidden secret to you? It does to me. It’s the ultimate transformation, turning something we really don’t want, (pick any negative emotions like fear, anger, anxiety, depression) into something we absolutely want, (happiness, contentment, understanding, appreciation, love) one little step at a time.

Each time we constructively challenge one of our “problems” we make a deposit into our account that contains our sense of well-being and it grows larger. When we’ve done this enough, we begin to experience happiness. You could say it’s like depositing money in a bank account. At first a few deposits might not look like much, but if we keep making deposits, over time, we can create financial freedom. This allows for more of what we want.

Every time we take an open and honest look at the problem before us and decide, from a positive or constructive perspective, what we’re going to do or how we are going to think about it, we grow stronger, gain more emotional freedom, feel less fear, feel more competent, worry less, experience less stress, gain clarity, etc. What we stand to gain by doing this is in direct proportion to the amount of emotional distress a problem triggers in us. The bigger the challenge we’ve moved through (in a way that leaves us feeling good), the larger the deposit into our account of well-being. The opposite is also true. When we deal with problems in a way that leaves us feeling depleted we are subtracting from our sense of well-being.

I have heard in the past and I believe, the purpose of life is about finding our gift, and the meaning in life comes from using our gift in the service of others. One step along the way to figuring out our purpose is contained in the above paragraphs. Each “deposit” we make, no matter how small, makes our purpose more clear.

I wish I could convey to you the excitement I felt when this realization washed over me. It felt like I had just been downloaded with a piece of universal wisdom. It was no longer a concept in my head but a feeling in my heart.

With love, Jackie

My autistic son was having a great day. He was calmly and easily maneuvering through special situations like a doctor’s appointment and a haircut. So we decided to run to the store for one item. Running errands such as this one, had usually gone smoothly in the past.

To be brief, for some unknown reason he had a total meltdown, (kicking, screaming, jumping up and down and more) right after the checkout area. There was almost nothing I, or anyone else could do. His behaviors, stimulated by his internal anxiety, common to people with autism, were dramatic. Our day was unfolding beautifully and then it wasn’t.

When we were finally safe at home, and I had a moment to catch my breath, I noticed 4 things that had a profound effect on me;

1. People were more kind and helpful than I ever thought possible. They were picking up things he was dropping, offering assistance and a quieter place.

2. Hearing myself speak in a calm and reassuring manor was comforting to everyone, especially me.

3. Making a habit of taking great care of myself changed my experience. I came into this challenging situation with a fully charged battery. In the past I unconsciously allowed myself to be in a depleted state and had no energy left to deal with something like this.

4. Dealing with only what was unfolding in that moment, and not bringing the past several years of dealing with an autistic son, or my concerns about his future into that situation made it easier for me.

Life is like hiking. We know there are parts that feel easier and parts that feel more challenging. When we decide to go hiking, (when we decide to live our life) it’s possible to accept it all as part of our journey. The most helpful thing we can do is “be in the best shape possible”, emotionally and physically. In other words, we need to care for ourselves. Then, no matter what section of the hike we find ourselves on, we can maneuver more easily.  Wouldn’t that be more enjoyable?

Life has never been a journey of “smooth sailing only” for anyone. Instead of trying to control the situations and people around us, which isn’t possible anyway, the journey is about learning to deal with what comes. Learning to deal with the people and events in our life in a positive manner, brings a magical feeling of freedom. We begin to understand that everything in our lives benefits us in some way, even if it’s only to show us what we don’t want.

With love, Jackie