”In case no one told you today….Good morning. Hello. You belong here. You are doing a great job. You are appreciated…. and I believe in your goodness.”

-author unknown

When I heard this automated response the other day, I smiled. I was thinking, what if during the course of living life, an automated warning played each time one of our buttons had been pushed? The best outcome might be that we would then become more aware of our response and choose differently vs. automatically reacting as we have always done. As in a crosswalk, we might be more vigilant regarding WHAT MIGHT BE THE BEST CHOICE MOVING FORWARD.

So, to lighten my thoughts when this occurred the other day, I remembered the automated recording: “The crosswalk flasher has been activated”. It was still not enjoyable to deal with a button being activated but…. this lightened the experience just a little and I seemed to offer less resistance to what just happened.

The point is, that when our buttons are activated we generally have a reaction that we don’t even think about. It occurs immediately, automatically and repeatedly. It is usually something like anxiety, anger or feeling not good enough. Well, what IF we did not react the way we usually do? There is no better time to become acutely aware of what our next thought, word or action will be then when that specific button gets pushed because….. NOW is the moment you can chose to change your response to something that (finally) feels better.  Every time we do this we gain a little more emotional freedom 🎉 and it lessens the intensity of this button in the future. Who doesn’t want that? 

Instead of trying to control the world around us so that our buttons don’t get pushed which is impossible anyway, what if we became curious as to where our buttons came from? If we can practice observing our buttons, we will start to see that they come with the gift of no longer being controlled by our past.

With love,

Jackie

If you would like, you can increase the amount of time you spend feeling content, peaceful or happy. “Step One” to begin moving in this direction is to notice when your “buttons” get pushed, just notice. One minute you were feeling fine & the next moment something, unwanted, changed the way you were feeling. It could have been a thought of your own, something you heard or read, something someone said to you or someone else, or an event. Just begin to notice the (internal) shift in how you are feeling.  

This may sound simple but it is not our nature to “catch” ourselves doing something that we have automatically overlooked most of our lives. Be gentle with yourselves as you make your new step. It takes time to develop the ability to “just notice’’. Don’t be concerned when you forget. Consider noticing that you forgot “a win” & keep going.

With love,

Jackie

A wonderful friend shared this lovely thought with me. We both agreed it is a gift to be shared. 💜

Life and all that it contains is a Gift. There are many instances where this sure does not look like the case. And there are some occurrences I may never understand. But….I also realize I do not have the Big Picture. I have come to accept this. So with this understanding or lack thereof, I look at how my life might make the world a more gentle place.

A son with severe autism would probably not be anyone’s choice. That has been one of my life experiences for the last 38 years. Along the way, I have found peace with our situation. I accept my son & myself as we are, perfectly imperfect humans navigating our way through this life together.

He has taught me unconditional love, patience, compassion, letting go of expectations & accepting what is. I work at responding in kindness, regardless of what comes my way. Taking care of myself is NOT optional. 

Because of him, I have become like a tree trunk, the winds may blow, even fiercely at times but I am grounded & steady. Dealing with some of his past challenges had brought me to my knees and left me shaken. Looking at it now, I see that I have survived all this and flourished. I would have never thought that was possible.

There were gifts in every challenge I faced but I could not see them. I spent most of my time (decades) focused on the downside. When I finally took the time to look for them, they were right there patiently waiting for me and…. they had changed me.

With love and gratitude,

Jackie

Definition of Overwhelmed: 

Strong feeling of too much to deal with, people or things

Buried or drowned beneath a huge mass

Defeated completely

Give too much of a thing to someone

Feeling overpowered by thoughts, emotions or responsibilities 

Feeling overwhelmed is one of my most frequent emotional experiences. I don’t like it. As soon as I feel it, I want to get away from it. But….as the saying goes “you can run but you cannot hide”.  I have tried “running & hiding” in the past to no avail. As a result,  I’ve learned a more effective way to deal with this frequent visitor, one that allows me to navigate this peacefully. 

I close my eyes & put my hand on my chest (it draws my attention there)

I gently observe the physical feelings of overwhelm

I take a few deep breaths & tell myself what is true:

-I am safe and well

-This is just a feeling in this moment 

-I have had it before

-I know it will pass

These quiet little actions calm me. Then I get on with life. It takes about a minute or less. The not so funny thing is, in hindsight, I created this feeling of overwhelm with my own choices 🙈. I took on too much without thinking about what the result would be. Because I like to focus on increasing the pleasantness in my life, I try & learn from unwanted experiences.  I am getting better at recognizing when it is starting & making different choices. 

How about you? Do you have the tool(s) you need to deal with unpleasant emotions? Just being aware of what you are feeling begins to lessen any uncomfortable feeling because it is the opposite of running & hiding. It is like standing up to a bully. It decreases their power over you.

“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” – Timber Hawkeye

With love,

Jackie 

I was setting a timer this morning as a reminder to give someone medication in the evening. As I set the timer for 12 hours later, I realized that most of our days are composed of about 16 HOURS. I never really thought of my day in terms of a few hours before. 

This awareness switched my brain into a reflective mode and this is what I began to ask myself; 16 hours…how do I want to feel while these hours pass? If our thoughts create our experience, what will mine consist of? What choices do I have? Will I blame others? Will I criticize or judge? Will I feel stressed about the things that aren’t the way I’d like them to be? I used to automatically do those things without even being aware of it. Other choices…I could also notice the things & people around me that I enjoy. I can appreciate the things I’m good at & the things I find fun or that make me laugh? It’s my choice & it’s your choice too. Did you even know you had a choice about what to think?

I didn’t know that until about 10 years ago. You are not a powerless bystander of the thoughts that run through your mind. Well, the truth is you can be if you want to be, but you can also practice choosing a new thought, one that ADDS to your sense of well-being, instead of subtracting from it. So today, as you become aware of how many hours are left in your day, what will it be, addition or subtraction? Your thoughts will create your experience today. Will you focus on the things that create a pleasant feeling, or will you just go with whatever pops into your head? 🤔 Your choice!

With love Jackie

“ The truth is that stress doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your partner, traffic jams, health challenges or other circumstances. It comes from YOUR thoughts about the circumstances.” – Andrew J. Bernstein

Years ago I had heard the term “victim mentality“ and I was curious as to what it meant. Imagine my surprise when I looked it up only to discover that this was me! Yikes! 😳

I certainly didn’t want to think of myself as a victim of anything, and so I set off in search of a way to change this dynamic within myself. I found out that the opposite of being a victim was being an empowered person, and that becoming empowered would require new choices from me.

I now consider myself a work in progress, continually moving toward greater personal empowerment (better choices). I take time every day to reflect on the choices I’ve made and what outcomes those choices have created in my life. If my choices leave me with a good feeling, I know that I have made an empowered choice. If my choices leave me with a crummy feeling I know I have fallen back into the victim mentality.

Just in case you aren’t familiar with the term “victim mentality” here is an explanation I like from Wikipedia.

                                                   What is it?

A victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to unconsciously see themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and then reacts in a way that confirms their perceived helplessness or powerlessness. In essence, being a victim is a way of: avoiding responsibility and criticism for one’s actions, circumstances and results in life, receiving attention and compassion, and evading one’s own feelings of genuine anger. It leads to people constantly being guided by negative emotions like fear, sadness and anger.

No one really consciously chooses to be a victim. It is more a way we fall into, and we fall into it  because (unconsciously), we lack a more effective strategy to deal with life. Being a victim provides a way of avoiding change, staying safe in one’s comfort zone, numbing oneself, not dealing with painful feelings, finding company, getting attention and sympathy, and avoiding being responsible for something in one’s life, for example, blaming others or complaining.

If you recognize yourself in this description and would like to change that pattern, I recommend a hefty dose of compassion and gentleness toward yourself. What might that look like? Here are just a few ideas:

A thought that says, “now that I recognize this, I’d like to change it“ 

Choosing to do something enjoyable

Asking yourself what kinds of things are important to YOU

Choosing not to criticize or judge yourself

Setting an intention to discover new ways to empower yourself

Taking the time to figure out what makes you happy

So how will you choose? Without judgment, you can continue with habitual choices that bring negativity or emotional pain, or you can experiment with a new choice that might offer you different information. You can’t get it wrong, and you can always choose again!

With love, Jackie

In the past, I used to find myself caught up in arguments. I never gave it a second thought.  I thought “everyone” argued from time to time and that this was normal. Since that time, this is what I have learned, it takes the participation of 2 people to argue. While that may seem obvious to you, it took me decades before this lightbulb went on in my brain. After I was lucky enough to realize that, I knew I could choose whether I was going to be one of the participants, or not. To my knowledge, one cannot argue by themselves. 

I decided it would be empowering, and a loving act toward myself, to withdraw my participation in arguments. That new choice felt great! If I was aware that an argument was starting I would say something like this; “I would be happy to discuss this with you at a later time when I am more calm“, “ Raising my voice doesn’t feel good, and for me, I don’t think it accomplishes anything”, “This is important to talk about, but now is not a good time for me, how about later or tomorrow?”

Wow! That turned out to be liberating! I felt free from one more negative pattern I had  repeatedly chosen in my life. It was one more way that I found to take good care of myself.

So…, what about you? Are there any negative situations you repeatedly find yourself in that you would love to be done with? Why not take a look at your own contribution to that situation and make a new choice? Why look at your contribution and not “theirs”? Because your choices are the only ones you have control over. Once we really get that, we begin to take full responsibility for our own choices and we can let go of the need to try and control the choices of others. We never can anyway, but we sure spend a lot of time and energy trying, don’t we?

With love, Jackie

I heard the sweetest and incredibly inspiring story on the radio Monday about a kindness received and later “paid forward”. The radio station said it was “make a difference Monday”, then they offered this heart warming story. It was from a mom who said that at one point in her life she didn’t have enough money for school supplies for her elementary school daughter. She felt bad about sending her daughter to school without the proper supplies, but she was worried about putting food on the table. She tried to salvage all she could from last year‘s school supplies. She ended up with a tattered but repaired folder and 2 pencils. On the morning of the first day of school, as they open their door to leave the house something magical happened. There was a box of new school supplies on their doorstep with everything her daughter needed!

Now that this mom is financially stable, on the first day of school she follows her daughter into school with enough supplies for another 10 to 15 students and gift cards for the teachers! She still does not know who left the badly needed and greatly appreciated school supplies. 

She noted how this one act of kindness years ago, continues to touch many lives beyond their own, teachers, other students and now a radio station’s listening audience. It is the ripple effect of kindness. May it never end……….🙏🏻

With love, Jackie